The Bonus Babies Podcast
The Bonus Babies Podcast with Jayne Amelia Larson is a show that addresses the hard questions that often lay hidden beneath the surface of our society. In this recent interview, I was invited to share my experience in kinship care to connect with others who have experienced a similar life journey. It features the compelling true-life, hard-hitting stories of youth with a lived foster care experience. Some of the content may be disturbing to some listeners but it can also be a source of inspiration for whatever you may be going through in life, to know that now is the time for healing and truth.
Broken Beginnings
“I chose to take that process to live a life abundantly, without depression, without anxiety, without the bondage of rejection..”
After the intro, I shared my background and story of adoption. I am a 70s baby from a very religious background. I was raised at first with my biological parents and sister. I remember being told that I was named after the actress Kim Hughes from the soap operas. My biological father used to play the base guitar in church. My parents had a very chaotic and dysfunctional relationship but at that time I thought it was normal. I recalled the worst altercation that led to me being placed in kinship care until my adult years.
I remembered it just like it was yesterday. I always thought my biological mother was one of the most beautiful women in the world but I could not do anything to make her nice. I still remember their faces and the feeling of helplessness that I experienced.
Life in Kinship Care
The host asked how I felt about my adopted parents.
I had love but I was confused. I wanted to go home. I wanted to be back with my mother and father and my sister. I cried wondering when was the next time I would see my sister. I remember being scared of the dark but being afraid to say it..
My adopted mom now had to fit that role of a Mom. She wasn’t trained or educated but she was only doing what she believed was best. My adopted dad was the peacemaker. He would constantly reasure that there was a God, a higher power. He was a mediator.
I still felt even more withdrawn because I still wanted the love from my mom. That feeling of abandonment, rejection and loss continued throughout my adolescence. I really believe I lost myself. I spent years wanting to be accepted and searching for love in the wrong places. I yearned for any kind of validation. I shared how this led to my story of sexual abuse as well. In my early teens, an extended family member was accepted into the home. He would use these feelings in a manipulative way. The sexual molestation started haunting me and it lead to future problems with my marriage.
Now Is The Time for Healing
The host asked what inspired me to write the book.
I was always compiling a journal and throughout my career, God would always put me in these situations, from working with at-risk youth, to mental health patients. When appropriate, I would share bits and pieces of my story and during the pandemic It was like something from above had me feeling like it was the time to put my whole story together. It was one of the most courageous moves I could ever make. Releasing my truth.
“Your choosing happiness, your choosing wellness, your embracing the reality of the hurt and the trauma and the loss and the abandonment but your choosing to live the way that you know you can live to be happy and fulfilled. It’s admirable. It’s just awesome…” ~ Jayne A.L.
Take the time to invest in yourself. Take the time to love yourself. Take the time to accept that what has been distilled in you, no one can take from you.”
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