Reflections on Life’s Experiences

Reflecting on Life's Experiences

“Between The Before & After” is a podcast about uncovering human potential and the possibilities that lie within us, featuring stories of hope and inspiration. It was an honor to be invited to share my story and life’s experiences on another interview.

Between The Before & After

After a brief introduction, the host started by asking what I do.

I have been a case manager for almost 15 years and it has been such a pleasure doing what I do. When working with children who come from a disadvantaged background, I have a more intimate understanding of what it is like because of my own personal life’s experiences and how they helped to shape me.

I was 5 when I was dropped off by my biological dad. I had to struggle to be really accepting and be real. To not live a lie and just say exactly what it is and how it affected me. I recalled the worst physical altercation between my parents and as I get older the memory is still so vivid. I did not know what to say, I did not know where I was going, and I did not know what to do.

The host asked what memories I had prior to being 5 yrs old.

I do remember us going to church a lot. My biological dad was a musician. He played the guitar and loved it a lot. I remember sleeping in church. It was a pentecostal apostolic church where we stayed in church for a long time, tearing, and speaking in tongues. But from 3 to 5 years old I never felt like there was a loving environment between my parents or a loving relationship between my mother and me. This broken foundation of being deprived of acceptance, validation, and love, hurt me down the road.

The host is also a father and highlighted how it is hard to imagine a parent not having love for a child. All he does is hug his kid all day long! He also spoke about how important love is for the healthy emotional development of a child.

Lifes experiences

Sexual Abuse

I went into details on my first sexual molestation with one of my uncles from an extended family member. Because my parents were so religious they believed they were helping him by allowing him to stay with us and develop a stronger relationship with Christ. But he had a prior history of sexual molestation that he had done time for. Once they opened the door to him, he began molesting me at 12.

The host was shocked and asked how an encounter like this happens.

It was very groomed. He kept saying to me “I love you Kim.” “You’re my beautiful Kim.” It started gradually and would go from one thing to another. The penetration never happened but everything else did.

The host mentioned the book “MEN! Fight For Me: The Role of Authentic Masculinity in Ending Sexual Exploitation and Trafficking.” He has interviewed the author and in his book he talks about how women get caught up in these situations. Majority of them are young females and they are usually in the foster care systems and they are looking for something. They are looking for validation and the predator knows what kind of validation they are looking for. But they don’t know how to distinguish between what is a predator and what isn’t.

What he did was wrong and it did not feel right but I did not want to disappoint him and I did not want anyone to be mad at me so I did not tell my parents because they might get mad at me. I never felt secure enough that anyone would fight for me either. My mother did not fight for me to come get me. My dad didn’t fight and come and get me. So who in the hell would fight for me!? I was left in a state of depression because that part of my brain that was longing for some form of connection or validation was lost.