Finding Mental, Spiritual & Emotional Healing

A Remarkable Story

Remarkable People podcast features inspiring true-life stories of overcoming extraordinary challenges and difficult circumstances. My last interview was on Intelligent Conversations. In this interview, on The Remarkable People Podcast, I was invited to share my story of finding spiritual and emotional healing from a broken foundation. Here I share my life journey and how I was able to heal emotionally to find freedom. You are going to truly love this episode.

A Broken Foundation

I Started off from my childhood into the future. Before I was 5, I stayed with my biological family but there was always the disconnection and resentment that I felt from my biological mother. I always used to wonder what I could do to have this woman put her arms around me and tell me she loved me but it never happened. So I grew up with that void, longing and yearning for love from an early age.

I recalled the physical abuse and the violent altercation between my parents that changed my life forever. It was chaotic in the household with infidelities on both parts. I remember being dropped off by my parents in my aunts house. My dad looking at me and saying “I’ll be back”. I trusted what he said and believed that he will return but it never happened.

I didn’t even have anyone explain with me what had happened. I wondered what will happen to me or to him. I wondered how my sister was doing. At this time I was 5 years old. I had a sister who was 2 yrs older than me and a younger brother. My siblings never felt that neglect from my mother but I knew as a child that this woman did not like me, but I loved her. I remember crying that I wanted to be with my real mom but my adopted-mom did not understand why I still wanted to stay with her even though she abused and mistreated me.

The host also recalled how he also grew up an only child. His parents never married and his father wanted nothing to do with him. All he ever wanted to do was please God and have a strong family. All around us the divorce rate is so high and the children are suffering because of the parent’s inability to stick together.

A Testimony

My new adopted dad would always pray to God and he would talk to me about love constantly. He would say “God loves you more, always love, God is love.” He would always instill love in me through scripture and hymns. I remembered him praying in the middle of the night and sometimes during the day and wondering if praying could also work for me. I just wanted someone to hear me and know how I felt. But I never wanted anyone to feel sorry for me. I said a prayer that I just wanted to be normal. I did not want to be different. Then something miraculous happened. From 7-8th grade I excelled academically. I was on honor role every term and you would not even know I was in resource. Before this happened, they said I had mild retardation and I would not learn to read or write effectively. They said I was more likely to give away and abuse my children. But I had this miraculous change and I started feeling like I was finally part of a family and trust was being built with my new adopted parents.

Emotional Healing from Sexual Abuse

Around 12 to 13yrs old, there was a man who was introduced to me as an uncle. But this man had a history of doing prison time for molesting an infant. He was very nice and started going to church with us. He would always get me candy and anything that I wanted. One Sunday, He moved in with us after he renewed himself and joined our church. We believed that once God forgives your sins you are now renewed. It wasn’t over 2 months before he started molesting me and it tore my mental progress completely. I did not even know how to express it or talk about it. He did almost everything from fondling everywhere in my body. The unruly things he was doing confused me and I was so sad and twisted after he left and no one even knew it. It lead to future difficulties in my married life when these memories were triggered.

The host highlighted how these experiences causes most people to feel ashamed and there is a sense of guilt. Some people suppress it. Some people blackout and don’t even remember. The host asked what would I have to say to the child who has been neglected or molested? How can they heal emotionally and find peace?

Accept that it did happen and you are not responsible, it’s not your fault. Accept it wasn’t a dream, It was reality. It did happen and it’s okay to know that it was sad. It hurt. It was wrong. Not right. It shouldn’t have happened. Not your fault. There is nothing you could have done to change it. But you can be better if you would just accept and embrace that God has so much more for you. To share, to speak openly. You have a right to how you felt. It is ok to be angry but don’t let that anger define you.

I never really viewed my story as so sad until I started writing about it. I had carried the weight of other people’s actions and behavior for so long that I lost myself. I have accepted that I am only responsible for what I do and how I choose to live my life knowing the difference between love and what isn’t love. I had to learn to fight for myself because everyone who I depended on failed me.

Broken Marriages

My first sexual experience was so confusing because that foundation of broken sexuality was never healed or treated. I started skipping school several times with this older guy who lied about his age. I ended up getting pregnant at a young age. This led to another storm. My adopted parents were so active in the church and telling the pastor about the pregnancy was so humiliating. My adopted dad said nothing to me during this whole period. He was just so silent and hurt. I had to chose to do the best I could to be a woman and step into a mothers shoes at 16.

A CYCLE OF ABUSE

I remembered being the youngest one at that hospital having a child and the doctors could see the pain in my face. I went through so much mentally. I started not even caring. I remembered the relationship getting physical. I remembered jumping outside the car from times he wanted to hit me. The abuse started getting worse and worse. His cheating and expecting another baby from someone else at the same time while I was expecting a second child by him.

My adopted parents signed up for me to get married to this man before I was 18. We both weren’t ready for marriage and had a divorce. I ended up going through these cycles of ending up with older men.

I went through a phase of running from my hometown. I did not want to deal with any issues. I did not want to run into my siblings or my biological mom. I met my second husband in Baltimore and he was 11yrs older than me. He accepted me even though I already had 2 kids that weren’t his. Ironically, my biological dad was the pastor to marry us and my adopted dad gave me away. It was just so twisted! He was a good provider but he started the physical abuse again. He was very controlling and possessive. I was like a kid to him. Any kind of independence I tried to get ended up in a fight. It would always tear my self-love down because It was never built on a solid foundation. I had to build my own self-worth.

I eventually get married again to someone in the ministry but it did not even last 4 months. It was more of a mental than physical. That is when I was really broken and decided to go to a mental health provider. I just broke down in front of her. I remember her being sorry that I had to go through all this.

The host asked what were the steps I had to take to heal emotionally ?

I had to stop and reinvest in myself. I had to love me. I was so busy trying to get validation that I missed that I am created to be loved, not to be abused. Not having to buy it. But to naturally be loved just how I was created. I had to accept my flaws and love me just how I was created.