God Gives Me Strength

Where Did You See God? is a podcast about sharing the different ways that God speaks and works in our lives. This podcast creates a space for us to use our voices to share the incredible testimonies that God is creating. It was a privilege for me to be invited as a guest speaker on the show to talk about my journey and how God gives me strength till today. The host began with a prayer thanking God and asking for his blessing before diving into the show. To kickstart the episode, he had a simple and creative way to introduce me: Imagine an election mailer for a campaign about you. If you were the candidate, what would It say about who you are?

I’m a mother of 5, with four adult children, one minor. I’m a single, hardworking woman that works as a case manager in the community. One of the best state employees, very powerful, determined, loving, kind, goal driven woman who never says she can’t. I always make sure I can!

My Foundation

After introducing myself I spoke about my foundation. I believe that situations and circumstances will come up that will leave you repeatedly flowing with the love of God, seeking wisdom, understanding and forgiveness. From a young age, my foundation was taught. My adopted father instilled in me the love of God and forgiveness, so I don’t ever have a spirit of hate. He taught me that God loves me more. I heard him pray to God and he taught me that even I could have a relationship with God, talking to this power that loves me unconditionally.

My Testimony

I was misdiagnosed with mild retardation and statistics said I would not read or write. I remember In the 6th grade I prayed and called out to God to help me and it was a miraculous touch. From the 7-8th grade I excelled academically and made the honor role. It lead me to accept from an early age that there was a powerful spirituality that I was connected to and I had the choice to call on my Heavenly Father. That miraculous healing lead me to accept that no matter what situations, circumstances or challenges I am experiencing, a prayer could change it. Hope is only a prayer away. I can still feel that connection and even though I go through challenges I can still reach for God for the love, strength and heart that I need.

My Story

The host brought up how I poured all my love into my biological parents who let me down, as well as my early struggles. For a lot of people, that foundation shapes who they are and may lead them to think negatively about life and God or even deny his existence. But for me my adopted father helped to shape that foundation by instilling his love and the abundant love for God in me. But there were still hardships, PTSD and trauma that I experienced. How did I overcome all of the heartache and pain?

God gives me strength. Releasing the book continued to help my healing process. I continue to stay true to myself. I am determined to not let the broken past define who I am. I made a choice to invest in me and love me.

From a young age I was taught to hate my facial features because I was told by my adopted parents that they still loved me even though I had a “ni***r nose” and my skin color was not as light as theirs. But this is what she was taught to believe as well because we all grew up in a racist society.

Today I have learned to love me for who I am and all my features. I advocate for mental health and I have overcome all my past memories of abandonment and rejection. It is still a process of renewing my mind. Every morning I pray to God to keep me humble and to make me better. I never want to be bitter but to be better. I ask the Lord to use me every day for His glory.

“My first relationship at 15… He was hitting me”

~ K.I.M

The host spoke about how we sometimes believe that we can easily just ‘get over’ traumatic experiences by thinking positive. But the truth is that sometimes these past traumas don’t fully go away. PTSD is one example of a trauma that doesn’t easily go away. He asked me to talk about my experience with PTSD.

I believe my first episode of PTSD was just before I was abandoned by my parents at an early age after a very violent physical altercation between them. Later in my first relationship at 14, I was also being abused, physically and sexually and it traumatized me. But that wasn’t my first sexual experience. At 12 and 13 I had an uncle who sexually molested me for over a year before he moved out. As a 12yr old I could not comprehend what I was experiencing. I remember completely shutting down and going into a traumatized phase.

The host asked how I still maintain my belief that “God is good and loving” after all that I have been through.

Honestly, I live with a purpose, to bring God’s glory through everything that I have been through. As long as I am living there is a purpose to share my smile, my love, my story, and faith in God. I still go through challenges and obstacles, but I believe in the power of prayer, mental health, and staying connected with the word of God. We are only given one earthly life and I am determined to live it to the fullest.

God gives me strength !