Beautifully Colored

Beautiful, I am Colored with Evelyn Barnes is a podcast where we talk about all things related to mind, body, and spirit. It is an extension of the book “Beautiful, I am Colored”. which is made up of the author’s life experiences through trauma to inspire and motivate you. It was a privilege and an honor to be invited to another show to share my story to inspire more listeners. We are all beautifully colored souls. In this episode, we talk about the importance of gratitude, having a deep relationship with God, finding your voice and more.

Expressing Gratitude

The host started by asking me to share any shoutouts or express any gratitude I have in my life.

I gave a shoutout to my godmother from Huntsville, Alabama, Dr Wooten. She was the first one who planted that seed, said I was beautiful, and said I was smart.

I gave a shoutout to my maternal aunty, aunt Regina. She has no idea how much our relationship means to me. She has been with me almost all week trying to help me prepare for my first conference since my book was released.

The 3rd shoutout I gave was my church that I call “The Well”. I have been spiritually fed and felt the growth every time I walked into the atmosphere of that congregation with the paster and his beautiful wife. You just have no idea how much they mean to me in this season in my life.

If these three people were not in my life in this season then I would not be sitting here right now. So I’m grateful.

My Relationship With God

The host also asked about my background with the church.

My biological parents were members of pentecostal apostolic. After I got adopted, I grew up in a more structured denomination called A.M.E Zion. They did not shout like what I was used to from the apostolic church but I still love to shout and dance till today. I love all kinds of music. I’m very charismatic.

What I have found that is very important to me is that your priority is your relationship with God. That is what matters the most to me. It does not mean that you are in church all day, it’s about your relationship with God and how you depend on Him and what he means to you as the creator of your life to help you go through this journey. Do you depend on him to the fullest? Do you leave every aspect of your life in His hands? Just like any other relationship, You have to feed it , invest in it and put time into it.

Holding on to God

In the ministry, I have been called out so many times about being transparent and speaking the truth that others did not want to expose. I do not hide or hold back. In my marriage I was told that no-one was going to listen to me and I was better off staying in an abusive relationship than being single. I later found myself speaking the truth and even helping other people find healing, truth and God.

I almost gave up, or checked out. I almost gave in to suicidal thoughts. It was God that changed everything and helped me. In many different circumstances I cried out to Him. One time I was crying so bad but in my mind I was screaming to Jesus for help. There was no-one else I could call out to for help

I hear so many people say church is the worst place to go and “church hurts.” I want to also inspire people to understand that they should not feel discouraged from going to church. Every morning it is about my relationship with God and how He can enable me to go through each day and be the friend, the mother and the coworker that I have to be. I leave it all to His hands and I have found a church that feeds me and feeds my spirit.

Silent Pain

The host highlighted the chapter in the book called “Silent Cry” but she was actually referring to Chapter 5: “Silent pain”. She asked what that chapter is about and what the name means.

I felt like my voice was not heard. from as young as 5 or 6, no-one asked me how I felt or explained what was going on, I pretty much had to figure out what was happening. I fell into a spirit of silence because I felt my voice was not important. This followed me through my young adult life up till my marriages. Having a broken spirit and not having a voice to speak my mind and speak my truth. I remember as a young child, I was thought to not share what’s going on in the home. That crippled me to a silent cry that I had to find freedom from and release.