From Survivor to Thriver
It was a privilege to be invited to the Survivor to Thriver podcast to share my journey of life after my previous interview on Positive Pressure. On The Survivor To Thriver Podcast with Co-hosts Erik DaRosa and Marc Fernandes, we tackle different mental health topics through honest and relatable conversations to help to shatter mental health stigmas. It is a podcast to normalize discussions around mental health topics and remind our audience they are not alone, there is strength in community and “it’s perfectly ok to not always be ok.
I come in at 4:30:00. After a brief introduction, the host acknowledges how I am the first guest that they have had from Maryland and we go into a discussion about self-love. The host asks me: “What does self-love mean to you?”
Finding Self-Love
It’s a must! It’s very vital. To love yourself is so vital for every relationship to thrive and be healthy. Without that component of self-love, it’s very hard to receive the kind of love that you need and have healthy relationships. When I did not love myself, I had a tendency to hold on to unhealthy relationships because I did not want to feel that abandonment and that rejection. I had to invest in myself and love the flaws in me. I had to embrace the mistakes and the challenges and know they are a part of me.
Through so many toxic relationships and impulsive decisions, I learnt that these destructive coping techniques weren’t helping. It was a process of first recognizing and accepting that I did not love myself because if I did love myself then I would not allow myself to gravitate towards these unhealthy relationships. It was a process in which I had to uncover where these behaviors came from.
I had to build my self-esteem because it was broken from my background of being raised in kinship care. My adopted parents did the best they could. They only did what they knew was right from their generation. When I was 8-9yrs old, she would compare my physical appearance to my much lighter-skinned relatives in ways that were degrading. She would say things like “you have the nigger nose and you have the thick lips but we still love you anyway” This was not intended to hurt but this planted a seed of low self-worth and I had to choose to build my self-esteem and love me as I was created.
The host spoke about speaking with a Philipino friend who would talk so much about wanting to have lighter skin. This shows how colorism is an issue not only in the African-Americal community but around the world.
Embracing My Journey of Life
Eric also highlighted how my early upbringing may have saved me in the long-run. I spoke about the abandonment and how the things that took place prior to moving into my second family shaped who I am today. I shared my early story of how I never felt love from my biological mother. I always wondered why she did not love me. Up until 5 yrs old, I always wondered what I could do to get some form of approval or love from this woman and it never came, even until this day. So i had to deal with that rejection, abandonment and disconnection. The shame and the guilt was tearing me up. I spoke about the tragic physical altercation between my parents that changed my life forever. It was very sad and I had to accept that this happened.
Even with all that happened, I thank God that I was chosen for this powerful and inspiring journey and I wouldn’t change it for the world. There were moments that I wanted to give up and give in and become a statistic. But I beat the odds and chose the kind of life I wanted to have. A LIFE OF FREEDOM! Not a life of depression, anxiety, guilt and shame.
One thing I have learned is that you can’t change someone else’s behavior or actions, but you can change your responses for a better you. My story and journey wasn’t only for me, it was for many other people who feel shame, embarrassed and guilt that it happened and don’t know how to escape it. I had to cry it out with my therapist and she just stopped and she said “Kim, I want to tell you something, I am sorry you had to go through that as a child.” That was the first time I really felt heard.
Finding Freedom
“The outcome may not be your outcome, but you can still live through it, you can still be happy and you can still live in freedom..”
~ K.I.M
Everytime we go through abandonment or abuse, we tend to blame ourselves first. The host asked how I first realized that I have no guilt in this, it is not my fault and I should not be ashamed.
It really took the release of the book. During COVID, I had sessions with my mental health therapist and when I got to accept every part of my journey and embrace it, that is where freedom came.
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