A Podcast for Mental Health
Victim 2 Victor is a podcast for mental health to support victims of sexual abuse & domestic abuse. It features stories of survival and adversity from guests who are from diverse professions & backgrounds who all contribute their own teachings to inspire and help us all. My last interview was on the Write or Die podcast and it has been a blessing to be invited again to share my story.
Childhood Trauma
We spoke about my molestation at 12 for almost a whole year. The host asked if I was able to forgive myself and the perpetrator for what he did?
Later on his deathbed he called for me and I was able to have a talk with him. I remember praying to God for strength and help. I remember looking at him and I just said “I forgive you” It was definitely a release but I still had to recover.
Its okay sometimes to feel sad. Healing has been a process but I had to choose and want a life that is not filled with anxiety from the foundation that was shaken.
The host commented how when your innocence is taken at 12 you will live a life fearing intimacy.
I really believed it opened the door for my silent cry because I never told my adopted parents about the whole ordeal. My adopted father died without even knowing it. I felt guilty and ashamed. It was confusing because I was getting the love that I yearned for but it was not the right love. It was sick and twisted. I did not want to be judged so I had this silence and it just kept building from the silence of being separated from my sister, being dropped off and never being reunited with my family. Nobody coming to fight for me or explaining anything to me…
From Victim to Victor
The first time I got pregnant at 15, I wasn’t really ready. That was a pivotal moment in my life that changed everything. It was a further introduction to physical, mental and verbal abuse. He lied about his age. All my dreams about school and everything else were done. I had a nonchalant attitude because I felt no one cared so I did not care as well. My first time experiencing the physical abuse was when my daughter came into the world. I remember jumping out the car with her in my hands and running. It was just chaotic.
But something within made me feel like i deserved this kind of treatment. It started to be a pattern. Every relationship I got into was hurtful physical abuse, mental or emotional abuse.
Eventually, I had to make a decision that this cycle has to stop. The unhealthy relationships, the toxicness. My life is so much better than this!
I now invest daily in myself. I build that relationship with God. I love music and listen to Gospel. I listen to encouraging, inspirational words on YouTube. I read my adopted dads bible and when I take my baby girl to school I have a one-on-one prayer to God. I have learnt to do what I have to do, that I need to do, that works for me to have the life that I was intended to have. Investing in yourself is the best gift that I found and it is the best gift anyone can give his or herself.
“It’s never too late to make a change, you just have to make a choice! You just have to make the choice to choose you! That was the best thing I could do for myself, finally choosing me despite the past, in spite of the unexpected situations and outcomes.” ~ K.I.M
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