Dealing with Losses & Choosing Hope

Grieving Voices

Have you ever dealt with the loss of a loved one? The loss of loved ones may not always be due to tragic deaths. Sometimes you may lose loved ones due to other factors beyond your control that still lead to traumas, depression and anxiety. That is why it was a pleasure to be invited to the Grieving Voices podcast to share my experience with losses to help listeners who may be going through the same. The mission of Grieving Voices is to change the conversation around grief through personal stories that help people who are dealing with losses. In this episode I share my first loss of losing my biological family and my second loss of losing my adopted family as well as my journey towards choosing hope and finding my voice.

Feeling Unwanted

After the host introduced me, I started by sharing the tragic event that tore my family apart. After that tragic event, I felt like I had completely lost my mom and dad and had no control over the situation. I had to grieve from being separated from all that I knew from the beginning. Me and my sister were really close before that incident. She was 2yrs older than me and she was my hero. We still stayed in my hometown but after that incident, we never connected until my adult years.

I always wanted to be back with my biological mother. Even though the way she treated me wasn’t good, I still loved her. I would go through episodes of wanting to be with my mom and my adopted-mom did not understand why I wanted to be with someone who mistreated me and didn’t want me. But my adopted-dad understood. He was the first one who really made me feel like my emotions mattered.

I held on to the guilt and shame for my biological mother’s choice of not wanting me. Not fighting for me. Not coming back to get me. There were never any calls, gifts, or physical or emotional contact that made me feel like she wanted any connection with me. I had to live through the rejection and pain because I wasn’t ready to accept the complete loss and to grieve. It was the reality.

Choosing Hope & Finding My Voice

The host asked how I was able to cope with that reality over the years.

It led to a lot of depression and anxiety. I was very impulsive with relationships because I did not want to be alone. I did not want to feel that abandonment anymore.

I had to accept and choose. “Do I want my life to be this way? Feeling like I had to force love or beg for love. I don’t! I had to find that I am worth so much more..I had to really say that this cycle of change has to start with me. From my heart to my mind.

“I had to.. really invest some time of breaking my silence, understanding what I am worth and building my own self-esteem, and then just being comfortable loving me.” ~ K.I.M

I just lost my adopted mother that raised me. I am coming from a generation where you don’t expose any family secrets. You just don’t do that. So I was alienated from the funeral program last month. They would not let me or any of my children be a part of the funeral arrangements or the program.

They are still mad at me and the retaliation was crazy but on the other hand I got so much support from people who said that my story inspired them. It was about setting me free, and it did. It set me free and I just believe that my story is going to set other people free.